Oddities
by LawlietLennoxLove
Summary: Strange. Very. What our much-beloved Task Force gets up to.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first attempt at humour. Woop-da-woop. In this version Ukita is still alive.**

Chapter 1

"Happy birthday, Ryuzaki." It was somewhat awkwardly that Matsuda leaned forwards, hand outstretched to pat him on the back. He wisely thought better of this, however, and subtly covered this up by waving the said hand enthusiastically in front of the detective's face, grinning inanely. The detective whose birthday it was, the detective who was hunched over is desk, Soichiro's gift of- inexplicably- cufflinks already on it, unopened. The detective who, for some reason completely beyond him, looked none too impressed.

"And as for you gift…" He flourished his hands in a dramatic gesture. Everyone took a wary step back; only L remained unfazed. "I…erm…forgot to bring it…" He silently congratulated himself on this brilliantly quick piece of thinking. Because the truth was…

…The nice, puffy pink dress he had prepared didn't seem _quite _such a good idea, once it came to the real thing. And to be honest, he quite wanted to keep it for himself. Shifting uncomfortably under L's unblinking gaze, he turned to go: "I'm going to fetch it." _Stay calm_, he willed himself. _Walk slowly and calmly to the exit. Act normal. _He ran.

Aizawa gave a pitying sigh, before presenting L with a large green volume, unwrapped. '1357 Simple Steps To Making Friends', the cover read.

"Thank_you, Aizawa-san." His tone bored, with no hint of sarcasm. He leaned over, so his fingertips rested on the edge of the book. "I will store it somewhere…safe." This said, he gave it a slight push, where it toppled over the edge of the desk, and into the bin. He turned his head, and offered Aizawa a smile. Aizawa scowled, outraged.

Soichiro tapped L on the shoulder. He seemed to be trying to hide a smile; Aizawa looked offended. "You've a birthday gift from Light." Soichiro produced from his pocket a slim package. "I got it for him," he added, unnecessarily, glancing at the 6 foot chain. L nodded understandingly.

"Of course. If this harms me in any way, then, at the very least, the blame would be alleviated." Soichiro frowned at him. "Why not just blame the medium staightaway? Assume that I am Kira? Or I'm working for them?"

L replied with characteristic tact. "Because Kira is intelligent." Soichiro decided to let this pass. "Well…Light being the genius he is, thought you might need this. And I'm not saying I disagree."

Whilst he was saying this, L had opened the gift, and was fixing Light with a somewhat sulky gaze. "Light-kun is indeed a genius, to know that I'd make good use of this. But then, it comes as no surprise that Light-kun has an extensive knowledge of these matters…" This said while dangling his new comb."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yeees, a long wait. But then, I don't expect anyone waited in the first place.**

Oddities Chapter 2

By LawlietLennoxLove

Mogi, looking distinctly uncomfortable, presented L with a box of chocolates. He had bargained on L flipping the lid open in a practised motion, plucking a strawberry cream from its perch, and playing with it, before- _Crunch_. Jaws of Death, indeed. What he had not bargained on was L's monotone voice, by no means sweetened by the square of sugar, calories and food colouring he had just consumed, cutting across the Task Force's mesmerised stupor- all eye s had been following L's movements, fascinated. His words were no sweeter than his tone.

"I do beg your pardon?"

Soichiro frowned. "L, I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude, but I'm equally sure that Mogi-"

"Was I rude? I do apologise, Mogi-san,'' L said flatly. But I assure you that I did not mean to be. After all, I was…surprised…that anyone would give me such an unorthodox gift.''

"Ryuzaki…_you like sweets_.'' This from an irate Light. L gave a slow, profound nod. Al he was missing now was the long white beard of the truly wise…

"I do not deny that. But you see…I did not expect anyone to give a gift that indicated common sense. Especially after the others. Watari's aside, of course,'' he said, with a languid gesture in his direction. Soichiro thought it best to let this pass, too. Only L could make such an insulting apology…for being insulting. He settled for making a motion for everyone to go back to their seats, no questions to be asked. Because if anyone said anything, there'd be no guarantee that he'd not lose his control and do something completely unprofessional. Like laugh, for example.

Light pushed his chair back with his legs, still sitting on it, and stretched extravagantly, yawning. L was still motionless, with his classic Queen Victoria we-are-not-amused face.

"You know, Ryuzaki, throwing Aizawa's book away was very rude, too,'' Light tossed at the detective conversationally. L widened his dark eyes in faux innocence.

"What, then, does Light-kun suggest I should have done?" Light sighed in a patronising manner that would have instantly sparked a furious tirade from anyone. Anyone but this master of poker faces, it seemed.

"Perhaps a thank-you would have done?" The childish eyes widened further, as L toyed with another chocolate.

"Oh, but Light-kun…that'd be suggesting that I actually appreciated it, which would be lying…and to have done that would have been incredibly discourteous.''

Utter disbelief rendered Light speechless for a few moments. Well, in the light of this _dastardly _hypocrisy… eloquence be damned.

"Ryukazi, that's…_blasphemy_…"

Light never got to finish his sentence, and L never got the chance to follow up the 'god' reference with an accusation, because that was when Matsuda burst back into the room, present in hand.

And L, emotionless L who was impossible to shock or surprise, and even harder to impress, dropped his chocolate.

The Task Force gaped.

**A/N: Dramatic music plays….**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ja, it's been a while, and to be honest it was because I just couldn't be bothered to type it up…-_- heh heh.**

Oddities

Chapter 3

Matsuda was carrying a cat.

It squirmed and clawed, evidently not taking kindly to being held. It looked rather less than pleased. And the Task Force looked even less pleased. Matsuda, catching on to this, shuffled over to L and dumped the cat on his desk. L looked incredulous; if he'd had even half an eyebrow, he'd have raised it.

"You know that I've no great love for animals, and less for one to be disrupting my headquarters…" Matsuda looked relieved, and grinned. Which they all knew was not a good sign. Which was why they watched on, all the more riveted.

"That's why I got you _ this_, too.'' He dashed out of the room, whilst apprehensive looks were exchanged. With good reason, too…Matsuda returned with….

…another cat. It was obvious to them all that he'd leapt on L's words 'and less for _one_', and had felt justified in cleverly having thought ahead and gotten two. The looks they exchanged were about as obvious to Matsuda as L's evident look of joy. Which was to say, he was blissfully oblivious. What a novelty.

L, however, was far from oblivious as to how, as Matsuda prattled on about the 'cute little thing', the 'cute little thing' itself was busy tearing into his files.

"Did it not cross you mind, Matsuda, that I may not _appreciate _your setting a wild animal loose in my office?'' He stared in distaste at the first cat. It looked up at him, with its round honey eyes and gold-brown fur, and mewled at him. L arched a non-existent eyebrow, thumb in mouth.

"Yes, I've the name for you. You are very like someone I know…for one thing, you talk too much." He looked deliberately over to Light, who was raising his coffee cup to his lips.

"Yes. You are now called…_Kira._"

Light choked on his coffee.

**A/N: Short. Mmph. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I may as well not let too much moss gather, hm? **

Oddities Chapter 4

By LawlietLennoxLove

For the second time that day, the door was flung open. Not for dramatic effect, as with Matsuda, but because a heavily panting Ukita had fallen against it.

"So sorry I'm late, I overslept…"

Despite knowing it to be true (after all, who else would keep a member of staff up working until five to two in the morning?), L pulled an unconvinced face. Which was to say, he didn't change his expression.

"Overslept, until 3:25 and 17 seconds in the afternoon?" It seemed that L had found another victim to play with. Ukita, upon recovering from running up several flights of steps (and not from this disregard of conventions, whatever did happen to 'it's fine', oh no), opened his mouth to speak; L interrupted him:

"Oh, but do forgive me." L, outrageously without a conscience as ever, pushed it as far as to try for a pout. Light looked sickened, which may have been because it was how he felt, as he fought with some difficulty the impulse to knock L off his seat. "I'd forgotten that your sleeping patterns differ from..." he cast a pointed look around "…mine." No-one met his eye; Soichiro stared up at the ceiling in a would-be convincing bout of thoughtfulness, as if h were pondering over a tricky problem in his research. The only giveaway, of course, was that his laptop screen showed not his work, but…_Club Penguin_.

"Never mind, though, Ukita-san…" Ukita blinked suddenly: it may have been at this uncharacteristic stroke of generous forgiveness, or he could have caught sight of the cat. He opened his mouth again in an Oscar-winning impression of a goldfish. Whether it was to stutter incoherently, to ask what was going on, to declare that lack of sleep had him seeing things, or just to close it again, they never found out, because L shoved the ball of fur inside his hands – 'take this back' – and promptly shut the door on him.

Matsuda seemed upset. He shot L a reproachful look, first checking that the detective wasn't actually looking anywhere near him. L gave no response; emboldened by this success, Matsuda debated whether to stick his tongue out, too, but was sidetracked by Soichiro's screen.

"_Club Penguin!" _he exclaimed, causing everyone to turn and stare. "Y-you play that too, Chief?"

"Matsuda, that is my _screensaver_. Sayu set it for me," he sighed jadedly. Matsuda was looking disappointed again.

"Oh, well…I was just going to say that I did." He looked dejectedly around at the many stony faces. "But it seems that I'm the only one…" At this point, Aizawa muttered something that sounded suspiciously like '_and you wonder why…'_

Silence resumed as each went back to their designated task.

Light leaned over to L in a secretive manner, about to speak. L leaned away. Huffily straightening up, Light went ahead and enlightened L to his thoughts anyway.

"L…Sayu didn't set that screensaver."

**A/N: Ahh, Club Penguin…the majority of my 8/9-year-old life. Heh, heh, good ol' memories.**


	5. Chapter 5

Oddities 

Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow, the writing here really is disgraceful. But…I guess that's the point. And since I spent, oh, ten minutes writing 'bout five chapters in advance… **_**Enjoy.**_

All of a sudden, Matsuda perked up.

"I've an idea…"

Half the Taskforce went back to work.

"No, really. We could use sites like this to find what people think of Kira, and persuade them that Kira's a psychopath – I mean, 'they' as in Kira, because every person we win over counts, right?" The second half of the Taskforce also continued to type. Now that Matsuda had proposed another far-fetched, hare-brained idea, the entertainment was over, and all was right with the world. Not that Matsuda realised this. "…Maybe?"

L – Matsuda-scorning _L_ – nodded seriously.

"I agree."

Those two words were enough to cause an impact equal to that of a small bomb; Light lost his composure again, spluttering incoherently. He was to be excused, however, when his reaction was compared to the others': mugs, complete with tea and coffee, meticulously arranged files, laptops, vases, photo stands and sheaves of paper fell to the floor, followed by Aizawa. It was with a n expression of severe shock (like when Matsuda had told him that shock horror, L sometimes slept) that he clambered back onto his seat.

"Ryuzaki…you _agreed_ with Matsuda?!" he managed to force out, speaking to himself in wonder. Anyone else would have ignored this, but the only thing about L that could be relied on was his pettiness.

"Aizawa-san seems to be feeling very astute today." Aizawa growled at him. "So. Everyone. Set up an account, and we'll go from there."

Ten minutes later, L checked on the others, evidently not trusting their limited capabilities to so momentous a task as this. Or he would have, had a very sheepish-looking Ukita not sidled in, eyes darting back and forth comically like a pantomime robber. And under his arm, instead of a sack oh-so-subtly imprinted with 'SWAG' in inconspicuous block letters, was Kira.

L's head snapped up, and he levelled the poor souls with murderous glares.

"What is the meaning of this, Ukita-san?"

"…" Ukita shuffled his feet. Ukita twitched. Ukita scratched the back of his neck. And L still didn't forget that he was there. "…mumblemumblepetshopclosedmumblemumble…" he said. L, if only he had not spent his life chasing down serial killers, would have ripped his head off there and then. But in an amazing feat of self-control, he just about managed not to.

"Very well," was all he said, and Ukita was left to his own devices, tiptoeing awkwardly to Aizawa's side. The latter gave him a pitying look.

"Mogi-san, your username?" He received no answer; Mogi had quietly slipped from the room. A _long_ time ago, actually, before any mention of Club Penguin. Strange.

"Light-kun?"

"Ryuzaki, you can see from my screen."

L's face remained impassive. "_Light-kun?"_

Light refused to answer, and he looked to Aizawa for aid; surely, with his dislike of L, he'd back him up? But as it was, now that it wasn't happening to him, Aizawa was happily watching the show.

"_Light-kun!"_

"It's _Justice_," Light grumbled, "something no-one's going to get with _you_ around."

"A confession? It is well-known that Kira considers himself to be – _argh!_" at the word 'Kira', the cat had uncurled himself from the basket the tireless Watari had provided (none of them had noticed the silver-haired Father Christmas candidate among them, though), and bounded up across the room. It was now engaged in the task of clawing its way first up the chair, then L himself. Light sniggered, and it was with a mutinous look that signified the massacre of his next piece of cake that he dislodged a happily purring Kira from his neck, dropping him with no little distaste onto the floor. It sneezed and burrowed itself next to Ukita, who it seemed to have taken quite the liking to.

"Yagami-san?"

"DSeniorXoXoX0XoXoX."

"Aizawa-san?"

"_Manners_." His tone was pointed, but L seemed to all but _miss_ the point.

"Matsuda?" Even Matsuda noticed the lack of the honorary.

"MyRealNameIsNotMatsuda."

"We should actually play the game first, so as not to arouse suspicion, right, Ryuzaki? It would be odd if a group of new members suddenly started trying to convert people against Kira left and right." The said detective nodded, and Matsuda looked jubilant.

And that was the scene Mogi walked in on, upon his return.


End file.
